Relax Your Way to Fat Loss

I’m about to suggest something really crazy. Just stay with me; I promise, it’ll be worth your while.

What if, instead of chasing a fat loss goal, we just relaxed?

What if we loved our bodies NOW as opposed to minus 10 pounds from now?

What if we took the time to find a fitness and nutrition plan that we actually enjoyed, so that the whole transformation process became…enjoyable?

I know it seems completely counter to what we’re used to. Many of us have spent our lives thinking we aren’t good enough, and won’t ever be good enough until we have the perfect body. It’s something that countless women struggle with every single day.


Acceptance Neghar


We berate ourselves over every nutritional indulgence, every missed workout. We don’t allow ourselves to recover when we’re exhausted, or have a piece of chocolate when our body craves it. Train hard. Eat clean. No excuses. That’s what’s going to bring us happiness…right?

The question is, once you reach that arbitrary goal, will you truly be content? Will you unconditionally love the skin you’re in? Chances are you won’t. You’ll have spent the last 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years—struggling. You’ll hustle, strive, and completely exhaust yourself. You’ll decline invitations to hang out with friends because of your “diet.” You’ll ostracize yourself in the name of fat loss.

I know, because once upon a time, that was me.

How many times, while in pursuit of your goal, will you have said awful, diminishing things to yourself? How many times will you utter phrases like:

I can’t eat that.

I’m so fat/disgusting/weak.

I have no will power.

I’ll never look like her.

I wish this was easier.

You’ll go to bed hungry. You’ll eat food that bores you. You’ll work out harder and longer as self-punishment. You will waste your limited breaths on these destructive phrases, in pursuit of a corporeal goal. And that’s just the thing—your time is limited. Your breaths are precious and you never know when one will be your last. Are you willing to spend your limited time on this earth miserable, obsessed, and shame-ridden?

I’m not.


Sometimes, you just gotta have cake.

Sometimes, you just gotta have cake.


You simply cannot hate yourself lean. Hating your body now, instead of loving and accepting it, is most certainly going to make you hate the process of “improving it.” Self-love and acceptance run far deeper than a body composition percentage; Self-compassion doesn’t lie in a number on the scale. If you chase these things in search of happiness, you’ll never be satisfied. Love starts now, not 10 pounds from now.

Right now, in this moment, you are enough. You are unique and extraordinary; there is no other you. You are radiant and powerful—a beautiful creature with a special purpose. You can transcend the impulse to hate your body into the vision you’ve created in your head. Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve or enhance your fitness. If you want to lose fat, gain muscle, get stronger, increase flexibility and so on—then you absolutely should. More than likely, you will gain immeasurable happiness through exhilarating exercise and nourishing food. You can seek to transform your body and elevate your fitness while being comfortable in your own skin—right now. You can love your body and simultaneously seek to make it stronger or leaner. If you do this, not only will you enjoy the fitness experience, living fully and authentically, but your metamorphosis will be sustainable.

When you hate yourself lean, you’ll create an impossible situation for yourself. It will never be enough. You will never be enough. It will last until your will power crumbles. You’ll jump from one diet to the next…in search of elusive happiness. Hating your body into transformation simply is not sustainable.

You won’t find happiness in a diet or in a leaner physique. Everything you need is inside you, right this moment; all you need to do is harness it.

It isn’t easy; loving and accepting yourself takes work. You are working against external forces that are determined to convince you that you aren’t enough. You are living in an age where the image of an ideal woman gets smaller each day, and body shaming (in all it’s forms) runs rampant. You have to dig deep, dismiss the external chatter, and look inward for the light that shines brightly. You have to breathe. You have to literally say “I love you” in the mirror until it rings true. Acceptance is a path that takes effort, but it becomes more easily walked when you consider the alternative: resentment, heartache, and self-loathing.


Tell yourself... If you can't say something nice to yourself, don't say anything at all.

Tell yourself… If you can’t say something nice to yourself, don’t say anything at all.


Next time you feel the urge to say something negative to yourself, replace it with compassion. I can’t eat that becomes I choose not to eat that. Diminishing comments about your body get replaced with compliments. You’ll simply train yourself to speak kindly, one word at a time. This is compassion practice, and it must happen daily and intentionally. You’ll stop the negative thoughts as they arise, choosing instead to fill your heart with love.

With practice, self-loathing is interchanged with self-love.


(Note from GGS:  If this mindset sounds good to you, if you’re interested in getting to a place of self-love and self-acceptance, Neghar has JUST the thing for you.  She has spent the last 6 months developing her Lean & Lovely program.  It’s a 12-week program designed to not only get you a Lean & Lovely body, but most importantly, to help you develop a healthy relationship with food, and a sustainable nutrition and training program.  Sounds too good to be true, right?  It’s not.  She has almost 13 years of experience coaching women all over the country with tremendous success.  And now, she wants to help YOU, too.  Check out Lean & Lovely here.)


About the Author: Neghar Fonooni

Neghar Fonooni is a writer, coach, veteran and mom. She is an unabashed scifi geek with an inherent love for yoga, cooking and wine. You can find out more about her at Eat, Lift and be Happy