How many times have you “set a goal,” only to not reach it and then feel disappointed in yourself? This…
Perfectionism is simply defined as the “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” This characteristic is often used to describe fitness enthusiasts and self-improvers.
Is this a quality that has been ascribed to you? Have friends, family, teachers, coaches, or coworkers noticed your drive to succeed? Your need to excel? Your unquenchable desire to improve, compete, and achieve?
Perhaps more importantly, do you agree? And, if you do identify as a perfectionist, do you consider this a positive or a negative thing? Does it enhance your motivation, help you push yourself toward your goals, and bring you successes and achievements? Or, does it set you up for disappointment, self-criticism, and shame?
Take a look at your aspirations, your thoughts about yourself, and your actions. The standards and “shoulds” that you set for yourself can be motivating, but they can also lead to feeling discouraged. And what about the standards others set? In the age of social media, it can be hard to avoid comparing ourselves to Facebook friends, Instagram sensations, and YouTube celebrities. Although it can sometimes be inspiring to see gorgeous people doing amazing things, constantly comparing yourself to others can lead to a self-critical, never-good-enough appraisal of your own pursuits.
In light of all the internal and external demands placed upon us, it’s no wonder perfectionism has become a commonly used and often derogatory term.
Perfectionism is not one-sided, however; there are both, benefits and drawbacks to aiming for flawlessness. According to Dr. Joachim Stoeber, a professor of psychology at the University of Kent, perfectionism is a “double edged sword” for those who posses it, bringing both the drive to succeed, and the over-focus on imperfections and failures.1 In many ways, striving for your best can lead to success, fulfilment, and improvement; but on the other hand, disappointment with anything less than “the best” often results in constant disappointment, shame, and negativity. Researchers have examined both the positive and negative sides of this double-edged sword.2,3
“Perfectionistic strivings” (also described as “healthy perfectionism” and “positive perfectionism”) can help you derive pleasure from your efforts, but also allows you to accept limitations and setbacks.4 Apply this type of perfectionism to athletic, fitness, or professional pursuits, and the result is a highly motivated, fulfilled go-getter. In fact, perfectionism is often viewed as a personality strength in athletic contexts like sports and fitness.5
Can you think of someone in your life who demonstrates the positive aspects of perfectionism? What are the qualities he or she possesses? Researchers at Cardiff Metropolitan University interviewed elite athletes and determined that athletes with perfectionistic strivings had high personal standards and were very organized, and that athletes felt that both of these qualities were helpful in achieving success and feeling proud and accomplished.6
People who describe striving for the best and focusing on future goals and performances benefit from their perfectionism.
Setting goals and then seeking them out, committing yourself to pushing hard and self-improvement—these aspects of perfectionism result in positive thoughts and feelings, and ongoing motivation to pursue goals.
On the other hand, “perfectionistic concerns” (also termed “unhealthy,” “maladaptive,” and “negative” perfectionism) fosters a need to avoid failure, and constant pursuit of unrealistic goals.4 These types of perfectionists do not derive pleasure from their accomplishments, but instead dwell in what went wrong.
Unhealthy perfectionism not only ruins the enjoyment of achieving goals, it is also associated with low self-esteem, and with women in particular, it is correlated with feelings of inadequacy.7 A study led by researchers at Georgia Southern University identified a strong connection between perfectionistic tendencies and depression and anxiety8, and a researcher at Yale University concluded that “perfectionistic individuals experience depression that is focused primarily on self-worth and self-criticism; they berate, criticize, and attack themselves, and experience intense feelings of guilt, shame, failure, and worthlessness”.4
Instead of feeling successful and accomplished, perfectionists who focus on imperfection and get stuck in the past end up feeling depressed, guilty, and worthless.
Not only is that sad and unfortunate, it’s just plain counterproductive. In the case of the unhealthy perfectionist, the perfectionism breeds thoughts and feelings that negatively impact motivation and performance.
Researchers studied elite athletes who described themselves as perfectionists and identified six negative aspects of perfectionistic concerns:6
Do any of these traits hit too close to home for you? If so, don’t despair! A little “reframing” is in order and can go a long way. Reframing is the process of shifting your focus from negative and detrimental thinking to positive and constructive thinking. In essence, when you practice reframing your thoughts, eventually you are able to change your feelings and actions.9
Instead of viewing yourself as just a healthy or unhealthy perfectionist, consider yourself to be somewhere along a spectrum; you may have qualities or habits that lean toward “healthy” and others that lean toward “unhealthy.” No matter where you fall on the spectrum, you can always work toward maximizing the healthy aspects of your inner perfectionist, while minimizing the deleterious effects of the unhealthy aspects.
So, is your perfectionism your strength, your weakness, or a bit of both? Remember to be flexible with yourself, even if you have your heart set on a specific accomplishment. The truth is that talking negatively to yourself has zero benefits. You can still work hard and pursue your goals without beating yourself up.
If you can’t help but compare yourself to your seemingly-perfect friend or colleague, or that amazing competitor you follow on Instagram, give yourself some time and space away from social media. In fact, beyond social media, in your life in general reduce your exposure to anything that makes you feel badly about yourself. Your self-esteem and your enthusiasm about your goals will benefit as a result.
Finally, embrace your perfectionism. It has so much to offer: motivation, strong work ethic, pride, and a sense of accomplishment.
You can be mindful of your negative inner perfectionist, and work to dial down her volume, while also enjoying the benefits of your optimistic, future-oriented, high-achieving positive inner perfectionist.
A message from GGS…
In our Strongest You Coaching program, we help women just like you reach their health, physique, and mindset goals. Strongest You Coaching is about more than just training and nutrition. It’s about changing your self-talk and inner dialogue, learning to let fitness enhance your life instead of rule your life, and finally healing your relationship with food and your body, all with the help of your Girls Gone Strong Coach, and your fellow Strongest You Coaching group.